Journal of the Association of Future Philosophers’

Very, Very Hush-Hush FYEO

Classified Top-Top Secret News Service

Fact, Fiction and Humor that my only be legally discussed under the Cone of Silence


By G.E.M.



Bush presents new evidence of Iraq-Al Queda links

(Washington, D.C., Feb 19, 2003, 16:04 EST)


            As part of U.S. efforts to gain support of the U.N. Security Council for military action against Iraq, President George Bush revealed at a White House press conference today extensive and substantive new evidence of links between Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein and Al Queda, the organization responsible for the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center.

            Citing recent evidence gathered on the World Wide Web using the very highly regarded search engine, President Bush said an investigation revealed 39,171 links between Hussein and Al Queda, 49,327 links between Saddam and Al Queda and 66,193 links between Iraq and Al Queda.

            Vice President Dick Cheney conducted the search over the past week with the technical assistance of National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice. Rice explained that citizens are urged to repeat this study by typing “Iraq + al queda” on then pressing the “search” button.

            “I was astounded by the quality and volume of links,” Rice said in a telephone interview. “Those who still deny any links are in denial that puts our country at risk.”



Post-War Iraq – Karzai elected interim president

(Bonn, Feb. 19, 2003, 14:45 EST)


            At a sometime acrimonious meeting in Geneva Monday, attended by Sec. Of State Colin Powell, delegates representing all Iraqi opposition groups unanimously elected Hamid Karzai as Iraqi interim president in the post-war era.

            United States officials had decided that Gen. Tommy Franks will rule Iraq for two years to oversee the rebuilding of Iraq after the destruction caused by nuclear bombs used in response to Iraqi use of chemical weapons against allied troops, a high official said.

            While some confusion was evident at the meeting about President-elect Karzai’s role, with some key delegates insisting that he be given a free hand to create democratic institutions, U.S. officials said he will be subordinate to Gen. Franks, but that the U.S. expects extensive cooperation in the face of the monumental physical and human destruction.

            In a statement issued by the White House, President Bush said, “Karzai has been doing a great job of uniting Afghanistan under adverse conditions, and that is why we decided to promote him to President of Iraq. He is a man I can work with to bring stability to the Middle East.”

            Karzai will take office in May, but is expected to name his vice president and key members of his cabinet before then.



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